Social media makes you want what you don’t want.

A few months ago, I deleted my social media accounts because they were messing with my mental health and because I was spending far too much time on them. I had set a time limit on my phone, but I consistently ignored it.

In the first days after deleting the apps, I experienced what felt like withdrawal symptoms. My thumb would automatically scroll across my phone, searching for Instagram (a phantom movement toward an app that was no longer there).

More alarming was the shift in my mood. I felt irritable. On edge. Like I was actually going through withdrawals.

For months, maybe years, I had carried a constant sense of not being enough. Not having enough. Not doing enough. Not being far enough ahead. I felt lost. I struggled to appreciate what I already had. I obsessed over outcomes and end goals while forgetting to enjoy the process of building. What followed deleting the apps, however, surprised me.

After a few weeks offline, something shifted. I had to actively support it, through reminders and small daily practices, but I began to enjoy myself again. I started to enjoy what I was building without the constant pressure of not being “there yet.” Because I wasn’t constantly exposed to what everyone else was doing, my own voice grew louder. It was no longer drowned out by noise. I began to feel a deep sense of appreciation for my current life.

My life already contained many of the things I once thought I was striving toward. And I realized that I genuinely enjoy my current stage of business, as long as I’m not comparing it to someone else’s journey.

Some days, I don’t really know what I want. And I’ve noticed those days usually follow time spent on social media.

I’ve found that when I feel anxious or unsure about what to do next, I tend to increase input. My brain is searching for clarity externally. For a solution. But I’ve come to learn that clarity is rarely found that way.

Clarity comes from reducing input. From getting quiet. Quiet enough to hear myself again.

Oops. A relapse…

Recently, I returned to social media after convincing myself I needed it for my business. Which, to some extent, I probably do. This time, though, I’m learning to schedule instead of scroll. Still, the noise returned almost immediately.

After being away for a while, coming back feels alarming. Opening the apps now feels like stepping into a casino: loud, overstimulating, and filled with people shouting into a void.

Everyone is selling something. Convincing you that you’re not enough. That you don’t have enough. That you need to make more money. Buy more things. Lose weight. Be more creative. Monetize that creativity. Live a more aesthetic life.

And sure enough, my mental health and sense of appreciation began to slide again. I felt behind. Confused. Unsure. Questioning what I wanted, and why.

So once again, I deleted the apps. Almost immediately, I could breathe again. I felt calmer.

I’m still not entirely sure what I want to do with my life, but I trust that when the noise settles, clarity will return. It usually does.